The first step towards Empty Nest
When Peanut started Pre-school at age 3, I was not sure how she was going to adapt but when I saw this confident little 3 year old waving at me, giving high-five to the Principal and mingling with others, I chuckled wiping my misty eyes. That’s when I realized that it was me who needed to adapt and let go. My daughter was ready to explore the world. As Erma Bombeck puts it wittily,
When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they’re not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They’re upset because they’ve gone from supervisor of a child’s life to a spectator.
I have not reached that stage yet but each stage is a step towards letting my child go. There is a whole world outside to be explored by these curious minds. After the first day of pre-school, my separation pang waned. It was only till noon for next two years so it was a perfect balance between school and home. She was only gone for couple of hours and I could finish my pending work too.
This week my 5 year old started Kindergarten full day. I had varied emotions just thinking how I am going to let go off my angel for such long hours. The timing is 8:00 am to 3:20 pm. She goes to bed by 8:30 pm on school days. So I only get to spend 5 hours a day with her from now on. It will reduce as she grows older. Such is life! Everyone has to go through the phase.
In the class she hugged and kissed me and said, “Mamma! I am really excited to be in school whole day. I get to study more and make lot more friends.” Seriously! don’t kids cry going to school anymore? I remember faking illness and being forced to go to school even as a teenager and here a 5 year old is all excited to be in school whole day. While walking towards the car I wished, “Mole! May you always do well in life and face the world with same confidence and enthusiasm.” I thought she would be tired the first day but she showed no such signs and geared up for her Ballet class too in the evening.
At home around lunch time the reality dawned on me. For the first time in my mommy years, she was not with me for lunch. I imagined Peanut sitting with her friends, opening her lunch box and chatting away to glory. I could just foresee the years passing by quickly. Just that thought broke my heart and I cried my eyes out. Then I felt better and I knew that I would get used to this routine too. I am now. We prepare our child to be independent and we should also be prepared to deal with the reality.
I like this quote from the article here
Ready or not. There they go. Watch them fly. The curtain falls on a child well raised, hear the applause?
On similar lines:
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Am I first??
me: Yes! you are.
I am going through something similar Solilo. I met her in Delhi this weekend. She is happy, loving her new found independence, new friends, new life… it’s me who is missing her
This touched a chord like so many of your posts…
me: IHM, I added your link at the end of this post. Even though I haven’t reached that stage still I can understand what you are going through. We have to let them go little by little at every step. It is tough but that is what our parents did and now we have to do.
Awwwwwww! Lovely post Solilo! I get u totally. As I am searching for that school for Neha, there is this deep sadness inside of me. She will start 1st grade next academic year and yes, longer hours. I do not know if I am prepared to let her go. Now that I read your post, I have an idea of the pangs that I am about to endure.
me: Is Nehu going to half-day UKG/Kindergarten?
All the best. You will learn to let go gradually.
me: I already did. Now I am just enjoying my new freedom and planning for a change of career. At any stage empty nest should never be empty life.
You know the irony of it…she will enjoy the independence …till she gets married and goes to settle her home, when she will think of mom every single day . Sigh.
me:
oye meira.. u are bang on… why is that so???
You know Sol, I don’t have a kid but I know exactly what you’re going through. I dropped my kid sister off at college two years ago and that letting go feeling is difficult. Even now I refrain from the need to know everything about her life or making it easier for her or doing everything for her because i know that she has to discover and learn herself. I always tell myself, that I did fine when my mom let go of me and I know she will do the same.
And peanuts is a girl in today’s generation. Smarter, more intelligent, more aware and lots more opportunity. She’ll do awesome and you still have many more years before she leaves the nest. Just wait till she is a teenager
me: I know, A. All of us go through this at various stages. It is tough always but we get through it every time. We must.
Now i understood why my mom ask me to come home ,when ever i get a leave and also reason for why she want me to call her daily ……i never paid much attention to that.
I really don’t knw wht 2 comment on this,this post reminded me of my parents….
all the best for peanut
me:
I always tell my wife… you are so much lucky you get to see so much of hriday… !!
I also always complain he is growing toooo fast… always…
sigh…. he is 5 now… in another 7-8 years he wont even want us around…
such is life…
me: Yes! it is.
even i remember pretending to have stomach aches and not going to school… but that was only when i had incomplete books and book checking was to happen… !!!
BTW come to think of it… our kids want to go school and stay there… does it say something about what kinda parents we are ??
me: We have discussed it before here once. It reflects on us as parents. I don’t know why our kids are so eager to go to school and spend their entire day there. Ha..ha..ha..ha.. My daughter wishes if she had school on weekends too.
Wow… 100% true and extremely touching!
I suppose we ‘budding dads’ will have much lesser problems to address
me: Not if you choose to stay with your child at home.
One of our neighbors is a stay at home dad till noon and then goes for work when his wife returns around 2:00 after noon. Between them, the Dad was a bit emotional when his son started kindergarten.
On another note, parents, probably a decade ago or so, would have been surprised to see kids quite open and mingling. The expectation was to be shy and hesitant to talk or even show up where anyone other than parents are seen. But these days, they tend to be born knowing everyone around…
me: I think it has to do with the surrounding, personality and how we bring up the child. I know of kids who wailed and refused to go to preschool.
I probably may post more comments here after about a couple of years or so – lemme get a kid
It is such a bittersweet moment. I look at my older girls and am in awe that they dont look like little girls anymore but more and more like women.
me: Girls do grow up fast. They also seem more mature. Peanut is really understanding.
And my 5 yr old headed off to Kinder last week (1/2 day though) and I hugged the baby tighter.
And next week the baby(wah he is 3 not a baby) will start preschool and although I am looking forward to that one day of being child free, I know I will still be listening to kid music or telling that there is firetruck going even though they arent in the back seat.
HUGS
me: Aww…hugs back at you, Sraikh.
Hugs Sols!
{{{{{super tight hugs}}}}}}}
Don’t worry, Peanut will rock school!
She is a smart intelligent kiddo!
Here, take my hanky, wipe those tears away!
me: All wiped. Muah
Enjoy, celebrate and revel her success and her growing up years!
And your last line, sums it all up
Lovely, touching post.
aww..it hurts isn’t it
I loved the quote in the last.
me: No. It doesn’t hurt. The thought of them growing so fast makes us sad.
Am all teary eyed reading this post Sol..
I guess the whole feeling of ur baby not being around for lunch and the depiction of change since our schooling days brought it in me..Anyways…AwSm read,I have to say.. 
me:
Wish li’l peanut luck from my side too..May she be blessed with the best of things just like you as her mom..
Take care..and yeah,I do blog.. (bad publicity,I know..
)
Nikhil
me: Will check.
lovely post Solio ! something similar I felt this week, my sis and her son both were quite heart broken when he went to his hostel this month and all of them including his father cry a lot missing each other.
me: Oh! I used to be a wreck when I went back to hostel after my vacations or when my parents left after visit.
Touching . I guess I was a bit misty eyed , though I won’t experience this for at least 7 more years .
me: 7 years? Why Kislay..something fixed?
I dunno what to say here. even till today i do not like the fact that one fine day we have to leave our parents.
me: Tara, that is why I don’t understand some dialogues said to daughters, “From today consider your husband’s parents as your own and that is your house. Blah Blah.” How is that possible? How can anyone after 20-25 years replace birth parents? Such dialogues should be wiped off the face of earth. Why at some places girls’ parents are treated as outsiders and boys’ parents as own? Why this partiality when most parents bring up children without partiality? Men blame that women hate their inlaws. How many men live with their inlaws or treat them like their own parents? If men also had to go through the same routine as women for ages then we could hear a lot of groom vs. inlaws stories too. Anyways I digress
. A comment that I read on another blog triggered this comment.
while I always wanted to live a hostel life for few years, that was different from leaving home a when u get married.. no, its got nothing to do with the married life and its own fun, its just that i wanted to be around my parents when they are old. but its different now.. talking on phone n all is fine but a random visit one evening, uninformed or spending a special day, festival or just a sunday with them here n there is different from planned trips..
anyways, your post made me homesick
but i see that you have already prepared yourself.. all the best with the change of career plans. and I know peanut will do just great.
me: Yes! Tara. I am enjoying the new freedom. There is lot to do. I am glad I spent fabulous 5 intial years with my daughter. I will always cherish these years. Now that she is into full time school, I have time to get back to my research and job. Clinging onto children is never a good thing at any age.
It is indeed tougher for the parent isn’t it? I am still dreading the day the BB starts school. I know the free time will be awesome, but I know I will miss him way too much.
And lunch without the Peanut, that must have really been lonely! Hugs Sol, big tight hugs. Motherhood is such a bitter-sweet thing, isn’t it? And touchwood that the Peanut is such a shiny little baby, going out and having fun, instead of crying.
me: GM, for me it was just for a day. I felt better from next day onwards and in fact really glad that Peanut loves her school.
Hope it is the same with me. The thought of leaving my child with people I don’t know terrifies me, atleast till now it does. Hope I am better at dealing with these things by the time he is ready for school.
me: GM, I am also very careful in that matter. I can’t trust my child with baby sitters or random day care. That is why I chose to send her to the pre-school (part of private school). She is continuing her kindergarten also in the same school. The class capacity is max. 10-12 and teachers give individual attention.
You will deal with it when time comes. Now to think about that day is tough. I can understand.
Also, if we are still blogging then we will be here to support and cheer you up then.
Time to get tough I guess. True test of parenting is at such times. Knowing when to hold on and when to let go. For years we nurture them, take care of them, make them ready for the real world only to let them go. Not sure if its fair but that’s the way it is.
First we start at the driving seat, slowly move to the passenger seat. Then the back seat in our child’s life. Finally, one fine day, as they drive away, we wave the car goodbye.
me: It is the way of life, Masood. The fair thing is to let go.
i’m all teary reading this. my heart breaking already for when my kiddo does go to school!
me: Aww..Richa. Enjoy the moments you have with your tiny tot now. They grow up so fast. My parents still talk about the antics I did at age 3. It is like the memories of those intial years are etched in parents’ mind forever.
Even fathers get these pangs. But I can imagine that it is much harder on mothers.
Reminds me of a Pink Floyd’s “Mother”
“Momma’s gonn take you under her wing
She won’t let you fly
But she won’t let you sink”
me: Thank you Mr. Sharma. Love it.
Its really touching Solilo…
during my primary schools my mom used to bring lunch for me and sit there until I finish the lunch… I always wanted to take lunch by myself… but now I know the reason for that…
me: Aww..sho cute. You know just the other day I told Peanut’s teacher to see that Peanut talks less and finishes lunch on time.
It is fun to pack new set of things every day.
and Peanut will rock
good one sols………………… While I dont have much experience in this, I suppose my mom would have faced a similar situ……………………
I have been living away from family right from 2001………… a long time…………
peanuts is going to be a great kid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I dont know how she enjoyed her first day in school……… I wanted to get back home
me: Same here. I didn’t even finish my lunch on my first day of school. I came back missing my mom. Peanut wiped off her lunch and came back dancing.
* Vimmuuu thinking to himself —- Peanuts go to school, Don Sololiya has more time for herself, which means, Don Sololiya has more time to blog. (Gulp). Vimmuuu stops thinking and shouts loudly “OH NOOOOOOOOO” !!!!! *
A evil laugh is heard from the background !!!
me: Eda….Vimmu aliya. Did you see that your friend is nattifying you. I think I will join him in his mission…you devil.
I suppose that was me!
I’m starting a forum soon. Everyone’s invited
me: If it is to nattiify Vimmu devil then count me in.
Counted!
*To all readers here* Who alll?????
I know what you mean – I went through the same thing last year when M started full day school…Thankfully, she loves going to school because as she says “it’s fun”…It’s tougher on moms esp. the stay at home ones because their lives revolve around their kids…
me: It is a good feeling when kids love school.
Awww tht’s a really touching post
me:
Ur post brought tears to my eye…felt like my angel will also go to school some day…leaving me behind alone…
yesterday i was talking to hubby abt whether will leave us after marriage…i know i m getting selfish by saying this…but just thought of her going out of my life scares me…..
me: Rash, just enjoy all the intial years. They grow really fast.
Know its too early to think of all this…but Maa ka Dil
My 3 yr old nephew…he cries while coming back from his playschool..We have to drag him..give him some bribes.only then he says ok to come back home
me: Kids these days…I tell you.
good wishes to peanut! we have just started nurturing our baby, and soon we will be at your stage. good reminder!
me:
A gud post, Sols !!!
I cant remember feeling so much alone, when my elder one went to school, as I was already running behind my younger one. Actually, the time my elder one spent at school was required for me to spend quality time with the younger one.
It was only after both the girls were off to school, did I ever feel alone at home !!!
me: I don’t feel lonely. Just that the feeling of her going away and setting up a home of her own brought tears.
Never mind – as the kids learn to be on their own in the school and among peers, we as mothers learn to let go !!!! I’ve gone thru those initial years, when girls just went to school. Now, I am preparing myself to those years, when my daughter will leave home to stay in a hostel for her higher studies. If we want them to do well in life, if we care for their dreams, then we have to do this hardest thing in life – which is LET GO !!!
me: Absolutely! I left home at 17 to be in hostel then came back and then left again and there after life just moves so fast that you don’t have time to look back.
Dont know what to say Solilo.. Reading the post and Meira’s comment reminds me of my mom..though i stay at home, when i am out, she calls me every single day and confirms if i had lunch/dinner.
Hope u get used to this new change in ur life soon
me: I am, Mystery. As I said it was the feeling of time running away which triggered this post. Otherwise I need this free time too. I am never going to be one of those clingy moms.
Well written post solilo,hi-fi to both mom and to peanut kutty
me: Hi-fi to you, Varu and Pinku.:)
I had the same feeling when varunavi went to school first time when she was 3+ and she used to get back home all tired.Now her school started but didnt send her due to swine flu,she is going this sunday and very eager to go back to her teacher and friends.
They’re upset because they’ve gone from supervisor of a child’s life to a spectator—- so true now,till now they there are always with u and once is school they are all alone and independent,eat there lunch without us feeding them,go to loo without us switching the lights……….
Hugs to peanut kutty
i am sailing in the same boat
but the big difference is you get to see your child after few hours
whereas i get to see my daughter once in a year
me: That is there too for me, Anju. I get to see my parents once a year.
it is so painful to let go your children. as i always say we teach our children to fly, we provide them wings and support them when they are bit wavy in the start but once they find their wings and their ways then we feel bad because now they dont need us ( I think we parents are a bit selfish) and we want to eat our cake and have it too.
me: Exactly! agree with you.
you will probably not realise at this stage but after some time it is we the parents who need the children whereas they are all set for new horizons
it is more painful to realise that we the parents who were their whole world now have to take secondary postions
i am not trying to scare you or any young mother. but this is reality of life
me: Anju, have you read my empty nest post? I have a link at the bottom of this post. I know exactly what you mean. My mom too says the same. That is why I say that we let go off our children step by step and we should prepare ourselves for that too. I am. Now I am used to this routine too.
so enjoy each and every moment with your children because in the end we will be left with only sweet memories of the growing days of our loved ones
me: Yep! memories are the best thing.
I know! what happened to wanting to stay at home? Dont they know home is fun? On an aside, you still havent sent the peanut eastwards as you had promised
me: Ha..ha..ha.. will do. Will do.
Our Mom’s would have felt the same way na???
me: Yes! and that is why my mom is the best to talk to in these situations. She always gives positive advice. My mommy!
A very touching post Sols…could relate to it as daughter..I remember when my parents had come to drop me off at hostel I was scared and when they were going back I had tears in my eye…I missed them for 6 months..uske baad to
when I used to go for my Summer Vacations I used to be so so bored!!!!
me: Smita, I didn’t like hostel stay because I was a homebody. I wanted to come home and tell everything to mom. I made fabulous friends and had fabulous time still missed home.
I guess this is life…:)
Cheer Up am sure you will find ways to fill your time!!!
me: I already have.
Hugs to you Solilo. This sounds so familiar. My daughter started Kindergarten a month back. It is amazing how fast they grow up. She keeps telling me that she never wants to get married or never wants to learn driving because she wants to live with us forever and wants us to drive her around always;-)
me: She talks about marriage. So cute. My daughter goes eww….on marriage and love. When she was 4, she asked her dad if he could buy her a car so that she can drive to school.
These days I often wonder about my mother. How she must have felt when my sister and I grew up and left and where she hid all her sorrows. She had no blog to write all that out. And she never expressed her fears or apprehensions about us leaving. Oh my I miss those days badly.
me: My mom talks to me all the time. Mom misses brother and me but we are always in touch and also my parents have a good social life. They had 3 Onam celebrations and a trip and here I am all J just thinking about it. Also, mom always maintains that when children grow up, they should have a space of their own. It works well for everyone.
PS: I had lunch with my daughter in the school cafeteria last week and she loved it. May be you can join Peanut for lunch
me: I can be a room parent sometime but may be later. Now I am liking this too.
And I am exploring wordpress as per your suggestion.
me: Did you register? WP is fun and easy. Let me know if you have any doubt.
You are absolutely right about having the space
I always feel like lucky that neither my in laws nor my parents forced upon us.
I am not a room parent at S’s school; I just sign up for somethings here and there as time permits.
me: Room parent is also optional. I sign up as room parent just once or twice a year when there is a class party like Dad-child dance or mom-child tea party otherwise I can’t stand screaming toddlers/kids.
Yes, I started WP last week. It has so many tools and options; I think I like it!! Wonder if I can transfer by blogspot posts to there some way without having to manually copy?
me: Posted the reply on your blog.
Totally undersatnd your feelings,Solilo.
I wrote a similar post about this long back.
Heres the link I will fly away
me: Will check it, Sara.
aww such a sweet post, Solilo…my mom tells me how much she misses us (me and sis) every single day…poor mothers
me: Poor fathers too. They don’t express but they miss kids just the same.
My husband was with me the whole day on Peanut’s first day kindergarten (he is always there whenever there is an important event at school) and just couple of days back he was wondering how we can let our daughter go to the college. I think when Peanut leaves for college, my husband would be inconsolable.
Sols, you have made a few of us cry
The birds in the nest will one day fly
all we can do is bless and say goodbye
ans sit back think of good ol’days and sigh!
I am a traveling man and I miss my children. Do they miss me, I honestly don’t know. In fact I don’t want them to. :0
me: That was beautiful.
Oh Sols, this takes me back to the time, when Poohi started her nursery. That first day felt horrible – even more so, when it was clear that she had a lovely time and wanted to stay on!
In a lot of ways, I feel glad that Poohi is happy. And am sure you feel the same way.. We would have been so upset had they been crying their eyes out.. And I can’t imagine how you feel – with Peanut gone for the whole day! It must be feeling vacant! For the first few days, I would start talking to her, asking her what is she upto, so quietly, before realising that she is at the nursery..
me: Smitha, I knew you would perfectly understand. When Peanut first went to Pre-school I used to go to her room and talk to her stuffed toys. She has this candy doll which is on her bed and as big as her so I would go cootchie-coo it. This time I thought it would be worse but after one day I was fine. It was painful for a day.
Hugs to Peanut! Am sure she must be having the best time of her life! And I guess, we all have to go through this phase – at so many phases in life, when our children show us that they are more than capable of being independent.. and that our role keeps diminishing as they grow.. God! If we feel this bad now – I don’t know what I would do when she goes to college
me: Yes! life goes on like that. We will do good, Smitha. Don’t worry!
Hugs.
You know, I came back to tell you – once , while we were in Wayanad, I had to go to Bangalore for a couple of days and did not see the point in taking Poohi along. I left her with my parents – and the little madam had the best time of her life – she was ever so cheerful on the phone, while I would be welling up with tears every time I spoke to her. But when I got back, she clung to me – I think she got scared that I might leave her again..
me: Aww..darling Poohi. I can totally imagine that situation. We had once planned to leave Peanut with my parents and go for a ahem..second honeymoon sorta
but in the end we decided against it and instead went with grand parents and the kid. 
Peanut used to do that. Once she was at a friend’s as husband and I had to attend this party. We were late by an hour to pick her up and she was hurt. She feared that we would leave her. Then I had to make her understand that we would never do that. She was just 3 then. Now she knows that whereever we go, we will be back to pick her up.
Loved this post – just had to say it again
Is Peanut having a blast in school ?
me: Of course.
Yesterday at park, a boy asked for her telephone number. Peanut was confused as she didn’t even understand why he was asking it. His dad and we had a good laugh.
I can connect with this so well. My entire family cried so much when I first left the nest. Posted about it here – http://partywithneha.wordpress.com/2008/09/19/time-flew-by/
Do read when you find time.
me: Will hop over to read, Neha. BTW are the results of Ms. Indore out?
Not yet Sols. The final is on 13th Sept
woww, beutifully woven the emotional journey u travelling through…I was imagining, while I read every word in the blog…
Am not a parent yet, but could feel what u going through….cheer up lady!!!!
hey, also u have a charmer daughter…so nice to know she is loving school and making frens..u have lots to learn from now on from her….have fun!!!!
me:
You still in B’lore or back in US?
With time heart accept reasons and the pain ceases.
Maybe someday I’ll feel same for my daughter too.
me: All of us feel the pain but we also get the courage to let go. Our parents have done that. Their parents have done that. We will too.
First and foremost lots and lots of hugs to you…like you gave me when I needed them more than Namnam,now I’m sure you’re in dire need of them more than my peanutkutty.
me: Hugs back at ya, Deepsy.
I can very well understand what you’re going through as u know I too went through a similar phase a few months back.And I know it will aggravate in a year down the line when she starts her KG.
You know,Sols,now when I see her all enthusiastic to go to school,making friends,growing more and more independent,I feel just as proud of myself as I’m of her.
me: Yep! bringing up a confident child is very important. We can’t be there for them all the time.
Sols,I’m sure Peanutmolu will grow up to be a smart confident girl ‘cos you’re bringing her up amazingly well.I know you dont need a certification from me or anyone,but I just want you to know..you’re an excellent mom!And Peanut is one happy child.
“At home around lunch time the reality dawned on me. For the first time in my mommy years, she was not with me for lunch………
Just that thought broke my heart and I cried my eyes out.” awww,sols hugs again to you for that..I can so relate with you!
All the best wishes to Peanut.May God bless her always!
me: Thank you da.
just came back to give you one more umma,Solikutty!
You have a whale of a trip!!
me: Ummas to you too, Deepsy. Short trips are good. I am not that well though.
Peanut is such a sweet child! Hugs to her n u too SolsMommy
Whatz all waiting
me:
Hugs back at ya, dear.
Its just nt abt having a kid na! So many things follow
Thatz what I meant 
i am glad to read some nice experience from you
god bless. Hows her dance classes? I think i’ll make my kids learn dance early too, thats a long way to go still
me: You are cute, Aniruddha.
Oh I can absolutely understand how that must feel for you!
Well, this summer the eldest headed to India to have a look at opportunities for further studies! It was as if a part of me was being sucked away! Yes, it was almost like the first day I left him at kindergarten! 
He , of course being a typical 18 yr old was chilled abt it! And was I relieved that he decided to continue here in HK! I just don’t trust the big bad world out there, just yet! LOL!
me: Ha..ha..ha.. the pain rushes back at every stage. Isn’t it?
Oh Man… I’m gonna be crying too…. already am in shock… her new found independence is killing me slowly. If only letting go was easy…sigh… thankfully her school at the moment is only half a day…
I’m gonna be here soon…
me: It will vanish, IM. The pain when we see their smiling face..
takes a while to get used to it na? im sure it seems like suddenly peanut is this all independent, young girl doing things by her self.. having her own set of friends and activities.. it may take u a little while to get used to the change, but judging from ur post, ur kiddo is having a great time with her new found independence!just u wait- she is gonna turn into a confident young woman soon..even before u realise it!:)
me:
beautiful and heart touching.. i don’t have kids yet but yes I know the pain coz my li’l bro left for boarding school at a very young age and I have seen my mom ache for both of us. I was away for college at that time too, but I was considerably closer and could go home every other weekend. She would wait for me to come home, not go anywhere on those 2 days while all other days she would spend time with her friends whose kids had gone away from home. But those 2 days every other weekend, she would spend all her time with me.
me: Rohini, So sweet. I can imagine.
I remember my parents were just the same when I was in hostel. In fact I didn’t like hostel much because I am a homebody. I had loads of fun though.
My mom always says that every parent should be prepared to let go off their children at every stage. Clinging on makes one bitter and also expectations. She is right. The pain of kids going away is going to be there always but the thought that they are doing good makes us happy. That is what I am feeling now even though it is just kindergarten. 
Soli! U cried?
((((((((((((((((((((super tight long hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
me: Hugs back at ya, Crafty bachcha. You know I was just reading an old post of mine and there you mentioned that you will call me Soli henceforth. That’s why I used Solitalks for my twitter acct. too.
Aah! Soli is so much better than Solilo.
peanut was thrilled was she? just how smithu had posted about poohi too…
yeah, they are the kids of today! confident, and raring to go!!
me: Yes! they are. I felt that 2 years back when Peanut started Pre-school. Then it was alright. It is the same in Kindergarten too.
mom says the teacher had to prise me outta my her arms… i yelled the place down, she had to even feed me my lunch in between my incessant sobbing and asking for my mom…
and the next few days at home, i hid in bathroom, kitchen cabinet, faked ilness and cried my eyes out, as a ritual…
me: I hated my first day too. I didn’t even have lunch.
My mom had to talk to my teacher to keep an eye on me during lunch so that I finish it.
its good for kids that they are so confident , but yes… tho its awfully selfish, its nice and a bit reassuring to see few tears!!!
i hope peanut loves it more and has a soooper education experience!!
soli!! she’s always ur vava!!! (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
time may be less, love will be same, will increase….
me: vava. That is what my MIL and mom calls her. They still treat her as a newborn.
I call Peanut my chakkara and tons of other names. 
me: You are absolutely right.
ummas and hugs to u!!!!! u alone! no no! call crafty baccha!! Don Soli and Crafty will roam around with “fake, cigarette-look alike sweet” on lips (u remember those?
) and sit in red shirts and lungis, and maaro Tapori dialogues 
“yenna rascala!!!!”
muahs Soli! love u! (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
me: Ha..ha..ha..yes! our Red shirt, colorful lungi and a beedi sulgaoying…eve teasing the guys.
Mind it!
YAYIE!!!!! I love that name for u too!!! Soli!!!! i just saw ur twitter link with that soooper cute bird on laptop!! Solitweets! perfecto!!
ROFL @ eve teasing the guys!!! yes!!
*crafty attempts mawali style seeti*
me: Yes! imagine us sitting on a wall, bajaoying seeti at random guys and the guys will ask us “Kya tumhare ghar mein baap bhai nahin hai?”
ROFL!!!!!!!!!
hahahah!!!!!!!
*crafty must shut door in case her mom sees he laughing like this alone*
i am gonna get a lungi Soli!!! we simply HAVE to do this i tell ya!!!!!!!
me: Ha..ha..ha.. borrow OG’s lungi.
i hope to be able to comment on this with further clarity in the coming years
some day i guess…!
but yes i agree i m sure my mom wud have felt the same… and i completely respect her for the fact that she was willing to let me go even tho she was a single mother and with not even a job to fall back on. today she is happily remarried and involved in other work… and she still continues to be the same. mothers are the best!
truly…
me: Hugs Ash! Thanks for sharing. Proud of your mom and you. Muah.
Hugs from me too,Ashwathy!
((hugsie))) to u both
That was very touching…
yes.. seeing our kids grow up and become independant is painful, although this is how it should be.. Can see that you have done a wonderful job on Peanuts..
.
me:
and yes.. why should only girls forget their parents? and can we ever forget our parents and can our in-laws ever replace our parents? even I left home after the 10th standard and it was only for vacations that I could be with my parents.. nd then I got married and the visits were further reduced.. nd I already regret for not spending more time with them and they are getting older as the days go by…
me: I know Asha and people who blame nuclear families are the ones where sons moved out. Girls’ parents never enjoyed joint family system and also that is the main reason why everyone wanted (still wants) a male child. Good that Kerala never had that kind of joint family system.
Beautiful post Solilo. I just love what Erma Brombeck says. It is those mothers who cannot accept the loss of the supervisor’s role who turn themselves into controlling mothers/mothers in law in later years. Adults should not only teach their children to be independent and rejoice in it, they themselves should learn to be independent and rejoice in a job well done too. Like Govind says, I don’t want my kids to miss me either.
me: Shail, I always nod my head in agreement to whatever you say. Hope your sister is doing fine. Hugs.
Kids and parents will always miss each other. Emotional attachment is strong and it exists in all children with good upbringing. I miss my parents a lot but I also have other responsibilities that takes us away .
awwww…it must be hard
very touching post… how did i miss it
Sometimes I am shocked at the way Ojas behaves independent at home and dread the day he will go to school
I moved him to his own room sometime back and felt such emptiness.. I just know what u mean
http://ourprinceojas.wordpress.com/2009/08/17/an-empty-nest-so-early/
(((hugs)))
me: Aww..how is Oju doing?
Monix, we moved Peanut to her room at age 3 but it was a slow process. I told her how kids sleep in their room but never pressurized her and she could choose to sleep with us or her room. Mostly she was with us. Some nights we used to go and pick her from her bed as we missed her.
Now on weekends she is with us and weekdays her room.
oh yes he is doing good… we didnt force him too…. its the other way round my son has become so independent that he doesnt want to sleep in our room
(
me: Aww….I think he just loves his space. It is a good sign, Monix. Hugs.
Peanut too used to do that when she was smaller but it is now that she wants to be between us.
seriously N is traveling today so I told him u sleep with mumma today and he is like no Oju room sleeping
and yes I pick him up in the night too sometimes
me: Ha..ha..ha.. I do that too. Oju is a cutie pie. Sach mein! while reading this I was imagining him saying all that. Muaah to the little darling.
BTW I like the new template neat
me: Me too. It is simple. The sidebar had 4-way option, Monix but they scrapped it.
Kids and parents will always miss each other. Emotional attachment is strong and it exists in all children with good upbringing. I miss my parents a lot but I also have other responsibilities that takes us away —–
this is the guru mantra of life Solio..those who understand it make their and other;s life beautiful.
me:
See when a small child is being independent, mothers are feeling pangs of that, so when a child of 25 years sudeenly becomes too independent to share anything or invole parents,, what the parents feel?…..they also take time to get used to this feeling,Life is a circle where everybody comes to the same stages and feelings are also approx. same.
me: Renu, it is not just about the pang a mother feels when a small child leaves home. As I have clearly mentioned, a child goes away step by step and as parents we must be prepared. I was sad that years are passing by quickly and soon she will leave home to set up her new life. I am not sad that she will go away one day..I am sad about the time passing by quickly.
A child doesn’t leave home after 25 years suddenly. How can it be all of a sudden when it is natural for an adult to leave parents home to set up his/her own because of studies/job/marriage etc.? A parent who doesn’t realize it and wants to control life actually makes everyone’ life miserable. A child who isn’t emotionally available to parents is also making a mistake. But we can’t judge anyone’s life from outside.
The pain of going away is always there. A child or a sibling or a parent. Leaving doesn’t mean end of relationship.
Ohh! nice new theme !
I prefer vigilance!
Pixie & IHM, Vigilance is the best WP theme but I got bored of it. So needed a change.
Will revert after some time.
…so sweet..u made me worry abt parting frm ma kid whos still not born
I’d be working..at home they are discussing abt me continuing my job right aftr my maternity leave which would mean leaving my child when its just 2..or 3 months old 
im worried already!
me: Verby, are you pregnant? Take a decision that suits you.
Congrats for the new theme. It looks good & I think you should stay with it.
Even I changed my theme today.
me: I checked your theme. It is good.
Aww…. when my mom says how quickly time passes and I have grown up…it just doesn’t settle in… and now when I look at my mom.. I see her still as the lively person I talked to and fought with regarding so many things..
I guess what I want to say is that now what I feel is that my parents are getting old… and I do not like it one bit.
me: Aathira, you back? How was your wedding?
Exactly! the feeling that our children are becoming big and parents older….time flying away. That’s the feeling which makes me emotional though I know that is life.
When I hit 30, my mom said, “I don’t want my little daughter to grow old.”
I never cried on the first day, but to see so many people around crying, I was quite surprised! I was actually expecting to go to school as my cousin sister was already in the school and she used to be an inspiration for me, back then. She also got the first rank in her LKG and got a pen as a present from my grand father! I still remember how I got inspired by it, and I too got a pen next year!! I wish there was this pen competition during the 12th Standard, I would have done better I guess. LOL.
me: Ha..ha..ha.. @ pen competition.
But on the topic, there is one hardline view I hold till date – If we set a good example by not ignoring our parents, our children would not ignore us. I know a some parents/children who don’t even talk to each other. I hope it doesn’t happen to us.
me: As I mentioned before one cannot judge. Sometimes there are deeper issues so why so n so doesn’t talk to their parents or children, we wouldn’t know. It is easy for us to judge as an outsider. Sometime children are rude to parents and other time parents are too overbearing.
But at the same time this reminds of how our parents always call us, and we call them so much lesser!
me: Again it is a generalisation because in my case there has not been a single day when I haven’t spoken to my parents. Calling up my parents is like morning tea for me. But that doesn’t mean that other children who call up their parents just twice a week are bad. Younger people become busy and often don’t find time. Parents would understand that. It doesn’t mean that now kids don’t care for the parents. I am sure when they were young, they too were busy with bringing up their children and so many other chores. Tomorrow it would be the same for us and our children. I don’t see anything bad in it as long as there is love and respect.
Destination Infinity
Oh Sols, This is not you! For a minute I was wondering if I reached the wrong blog
I liked your other themes much much more!
me: Ha..ha..ha.. there is 50-50 voting now. Arre I was bored of Vigilance. Will revert later, for now let this be.
the comments section of this theme is so well sorted!!
this theme is good! but i read u telling pixu u will revert back!
both are nice!!
me: I will revert after some time. For now I like this. I still think Vigilance is the best but got bored of it.
I was getting this wonderfull girl ready for her prom night sometime back..she was completing her high school and rushing off to NYC to pursue media studies…she was yappin non-stop about this new independence she would get,her univ etc and how she yearned to be out on her own..bla bla blah…just then her mum arrived and seeing her beautifull daughter dressed in a lavender dress and looking ravishing..she just bursst inot tears and her daughter was like mum ” i will be there when you wanna c me “..it was such an emotional moment for them and as to me..i was offcourse misty eyed..the emotional me..and it took just a lill while to realise ..precisely 9 yrs from now….and which will fly in a jiffy..i will be in this very moment..i know its inevitable but that very thought depresses me…circle o life n all..agree…its goin to be difficult for sure….beautifullll post Solilo..
me: Aww..Bindu. Time just flies. How was your Onam? How are Sid and Sanju doing?
Just remember the day when you left your home, it would be easier.
me: That makes it tough because I never like(d) leaving home.
Oh you sound so brave. My mom is not so much. She turns all soppy and cranky when its time for us to leave. I understand it is not so easy to let go of something for which you cared so much your whole life. But that is life. And you have your own too. Right?
And you have us 
Let her go to school, college and have fun and we’ll party too, knowing she is happy, safe and warm. What say?
me: Ha..ha..ha.. so cute.
You didn’t reply about the party though
me: This blogging itself is a party. Enjoy!
That’s a sweet, wonderful and touchingly honest post. Its hard to let go your kid, there will be more of letting go to be done as she grows older.
Hey, I needed to ask you something off-the-topic: Is there a particular reason why you cut off the feeds in the Reader?
I find it hard and irritating to visit blog from reader.
Also, visiting a blog lets my firewall to record the blog as one of regular visited sites. Sometimes system guys play cat-and-mouse games and block more visited sites.
me: Poonam, no one complained till now but now I changed it to full reader for you.
How shweet… ‘don’t kids cry anymore?’…utterly cute
me:
Aww..hugs babes
But seriously such long hours for KG? No wonder your nest seems empty!
me: If Peanut had her way, she would extend her school hours.
Lovely to see a reference to Erma Bombeck here. Used to be my fav. writer, when I was in college. And her views on life, parenting, kids is so very very true of what we actually go through.
me: Ushus, so good to see you back. Are you going to stay?
Waiting for some Onam pictures. 
With the younger one, it was tougher, but we both made it, till here… and each day empty nesting syndrome goes a level more intense.. 
In a few months, the little one will also move out, for sure, and then… well, for one thing I shall get more time on the computer… Lol!
Brought back memories of sending my little ones to the KG
Loved reading this one too, Sol… thank you
me: If kids love and respect us always then we have won it.
Hahaha! Solilo, what a leading question that is
!!! Am I going to stay? I hope so, and I do hope to be more regular reading others’ work too 
me: YaY! So happy.
muah muah Ushus
(((((((((hugs))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
and for Peanut’s mom 
and muaahh for Peanut!
me: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Abhi maasi.
this post touched a chord Solilo…I cannot even begin to imagine what parents go through specially a mom when her little baby goes off to school…or in IHM’s case even at this age that her daughter is…
it just never is easy isnt it?
me: It is tough at every stage.
which reminds me all over again that ma is going to have a tough time dealing with so much of the same in some time ..
me: Hugs to Auntie. I can so imagine what she is going to feel now. Mom cried buckets as if her best friend was going away. Mom and I are still bestest friends, it doesn’t matter if I am sitting so far away. The connection is always strong.
being a parent is so tough na?
but worth it all as ma says
me: Yes! and you will know it too.
Erma says it just as it should be said and the last quote is BEAUTIFUL!!
I am going to save it somewhere 
me: Isn’t she the best?