Letters from a Father to his Daughter
Reading this article brought back some fond memories of my hostel years. 90s was not still an internet era and letters were key part of communication. I used to get two sets of letters from my parents, one from my mother with all the details of neighborhood, friends, their families, affairs, latest fashion, make-up and so on. She would write about everything under sun in a way which would make me laugh in the end and say….my sweetu Ma. The other letter was from my father, his letters wouldn’t have any of those details. He would write about good influence, values, quote authors and poets and he would write about dreams and achievements. He is a well read man and his letters would always make me think and say…that’s my Papa. It didn’t make me smile like my mother’s letters but it gave me courage, a sense of responsibility, virtue and an inspiration to do well; to aim for better and achieve it with delight.
I was at that stage of my life where more than my parents, it would be my friends and surroundings which had more influence. I was on my own. I could let my life any which way I wanted. But even when they were so far away they had such positive influence in my life.
Good upbringing doesn’t mean that parents make choices for us. Good parenting doesn’t mean that they need to breathe down our neck every single day. It is to teach children how to face life, how to be accountable for their own actions.
Amidst couple of packing and moves, I lost a lot of those letters which I regret to this day. I have couple of them still saved but not with me, in India. I didn’t read them again. I couldn’t find time to but I didn’t have to. The words were etched in my mind. The thoughts behind those letters were enough for me to do well. I can see that on their face now, when we meet. I don’t have to scream..I did good Ma and Pa. They know that. They can sense that and see that. I like to believe that even now whenever I make important decisions in my life it is those values which are my insight and now I hope I’ll pass along to my daughter.
Note: The title of this post is taken from this book.
RSS - Posts
Beautiful post! At times,I wish we could go back to the age of letters. Theres nothing like a handwritten letter which gives me a feeling of actually seeing the person’s face telling me whats in script as I read it. I’m quite a hoarder of letters too and I carry them wherever I go
Thanks Solilo for stopping by my blog. I’ll come back here again!
Revathi: Welcome. Pen and Paper are almost extinct.
I dont have any letter with me ……
and never did write one in my lifetime…..
Maybe I should have…. when I had the chance…..
Good post…
i love writing letters. i still do.
It has been a long time since I had a letter, if you discount the long notes my siter leaves me in my room before going on to her travels.
As for Nehuru’s book from which you post’s title has been derieved was borrowed by me from the library when I was at achol, I was bored with all that knowledge he was infusing in his letters to his daughter. At that age, I preferred fiction.
And yes, I agree with you good upbringing doesnt mean that my parents hsould make all the choices for me. They should empower me to make my choices.
Ajit: You never wrote a letter? Wow!
Anu: You still write? That’s nice to hear.
Poonam: Ha..ha..Nehru was preparing his daughter to take over his dynasty
What did you expect?
I have all the letter my parents have ever written to me, I read them for strength. Ya letters are really powerful.
Solilo, So sweet.. I feel horrible that I don’t have any of my parent’s letters.. Yes- that was such a different time wasn’t it? And you are so right when you say ‘Good upbringing doesn’t mean that parents make choices for us. Good parenting doesn’t mean that they need to breathe down our neck every single day. It is to teach children how to face life, how to be accountable for your own actions’ Lovely Post!
” Good upbringing doesn’t mean that parents make choices for us. Good parenting doesn’t mean that they need to breathe down our neck every single day. It is to teach children how to face life, how to be accountable for your own actions.”
I agree.
Chirag: That’s so sweet. I have just few and that too not with me.
Smitha: Aah! Thanks. I am going to miss you. Have fun vacationing!
Vishesh: Welcome and thanks.
We gave our daughter the Book..really those letters are a treasure of our history, culturr, geography.
Loved those lines on upbringing:)
very very nice and should say very similar to my thoughts. I also feel, good upbringing is not abt parents making decisions for us but being able to make us take a decision and be responsible for it! My parents taught us that…..something thats with you wherever you go!
Wow,that was indeed a heartfelt psot and it revoked lot of memories in me,when my father would write me many letters,while he was working abroad..I had kept all letters intact,but then left many and kept a few that were so close to my heart..Keeping all of them was not feasible..When we read those letters after a few years,we do feel so good and tahnkful for God’s blessings
Thanks for this post,it made me recall my dad and feel good ..
Sahaja: Right and things like this you remember more when you become a parent.
Nimmy: Aah! aren’t letters wonderful? Thanks to you. I love reading little anecdotes with comments.
I have a lot of my dad’s letters saved too
I loved and totally agree with your words in bold, including, ” It is to teach children how to face life, how to be accountable for your own actions.”
And I love Discovery of India. Just think how much he wanted to share with her, he was definitely a great dad
I got ‘Discovery of India’ as a prize from school for winning some competition. Read it. I love History of any country. Remember Bharat ek Khoj on Doordarshan? I used to love that show.
I got the book as a prize too from school (in case you are wondering it was definitely not for talking non stop). Beautiful post Sols and I hope we are able to guide our kids the way our dads did
me: I hope too, Saksh.
The post says so much….:)
and those ‘letters from a father to a daughter’ were so amazing..
you have spoken to a letter writer..I still have letters from dad saved with me..:)and all the cards too…
I love letter writing and I keep writing them to all my friends…:)yes ,it is a lost art these days….one day people will simply forget how to write a beautiful one..:)
”The words were etched in my mind. The thoughts behind those letters were enough for me to do well. I can see that on their face now, when we meet. I don’t have to scream..I did good Ma and Pa. They know that. They can sense that and see that. I like to believe that even now whenever I make important decisions in my life it is those values which are my insight and now I hope I’ll pass along to my daughter. ”
Yes ,to all this….
beautifully written… can only hope that one can become as good a parent as one had…:)…
and yes the show was ‘Palaash ke Phool’ and this is the only link I found!Enjoy!:)
http://notestomyself.wordpress.com/2006/11/28/phool-palash-ke/
I was also saying Yes to many of the things your wrote in your latest post. It was like reading my old diary.
Thanks Indyeah for this song. Yes! this one. I remember the tree and song not much about the show.
Blog-hopped here
And I enjoyed the tour, the reads here, and most especially this post 
Am a compulsive letter writer, though sadly now I do not, because of emails 
Still my emails are poor replacement. I used to listen for the postman’s cycle bell ring, on days around when the letters were due, from Dad and Mom, after I got married and moved away. Before I did that, for letters from pen pals, my brothers who were away studying… 
And after a long gap, when letter writing had kind of petered out, thanks to the arrival, and tarrifs of phone calls,
, when my elder son was at NDA, the joy revisited. He actually didnt know about letter writing, till he tried it! And being the devoted junk collector that I am, I still have birthday cards, real ones, lol, and all the letters from an absolute age ago, till the most recent ones received a couple of years ago [when the Son got a mobile phone, of his own, and was permitted to use it there 
They weren't, before that:)]
The fact that, unknowingly, so much of the value system is re affirmed and care and concern for each other become more tangible is what I have found the brightest things about letters. Thank you, it was a joy reading this.
Usha: Thanks so much. Such anecdotes in comments are very interesting to read and helps to know a person better.
Hey, I loved this post. Gold.
me: Thank you, Masood.
Aw, loved this, Solilo, I wish I had my father to write to me when I was away in colege and if he was there, I am sure he would have written like your dad did…But then, my mom used to write, like you said, all about wht was hapening around her world and then she would end it with small reminders, to study, to think of my repsonsiblities to her and my sister…well, you have stirred my memory…good post…
Saw the title and started reading this….very interesting post.Gone are the days of letter writing, but those were good days…u could write what you could not say..it made expressing so much so easy….I have my dads hand written letters saved, and then he used to type them becaz, what email is to us, the electronic typewriter was to him…..My dad would always write ajoke besides his usual stuff….and i always , always laughed…Gone are the days.Nice post.Arent u surprised getting acomment on this one….I did say, I would read your posts randomly as and when I can…..
me: Poonam, This is so sweet of you.
A very beautiful post……since I always stayed at home during my studying years I never got a chance to get these letters. But my mum has a few of her father’s letters which she treasures & my father has just 1 letter which his father had written to him just before he passed away in 1974.
A lovely post Solilo:-))!!!!!!!
me: Thanks Nancy. Letters are a treasure.
First time here. Really lovvvedddd this post. Even to this day, I feel that feelings can be expressed easily thru letters than over the phone. Somehow, the heart just pours out. I just have 2-3 letters from my grandparents which are my treasures. But, I have a lot of greetings from loved ones and love reading each one of them again and again. Some of them have words written by my people; the others may be only the readily available ones but I feel they have been selected after going thru each and every word and conveys their feelings.
After reading this post, I am feeling like writing one soon
me: Welcome and thanks.
Do you know the biggest drawback of a hostel upbringing ??? it will be difficult for you to adjust with the outside world… you will remain fighting against the system instead of adapting and guess where you would end up ?? of course here on the net, killing time and wasting your life.
Hostel upbringing? Ha..ha..ha.. I grew up in my home and got a fabulous upbringing. I am adapting to the entire world quite well too. Couple of years in hostel during college years is normal everywhere. Did you get a chance to go to college?
As for killing time on net, what are you doing on the net? Distributing unsolicited advice?
If you are not aware then this is called blogging. We share opinion, ideas and our thoughts.
Personally i think you have a much serious issue to address… take no offense but i think you are too arrogant and blind..not that i am any better but as you know..it is always easy for a second person to judge us.
me: I don’t entertain unsolicited advice on the net from strangers. I am an erudite lady and I also have learned, knowledgeable people in my life. So no thanks to your “judgement”.
BTW if you love distributing your ‘muft ka advice’ then start a blog.
Sols,
I’ve never had a chance to write letters to my parents nor have I lived in a hostel in my life.and yet I could relate to this post because what you have imbibed from your parents is what I have too from mine.The advices,teachings have more or less been similar in regard with making my own choices,guiding me through the right path.
“Good upbringing doesn’t mean that parents make choices for us. Good parenting doesn’t mean that they need to breathe down our neck every single day. It is to teach children how to face life, how to be accountable for their own actions.” absolutely! I hope too I’m able to pass it along to my daughter.
Loved the post.absolutely loved it!
me: Deeps, thank you da. Letter writing is still precious to me though there is no oppurtunity to write one. I still scribble sometimes on papers.
You are already doing great with Nammu.
know what,u shld keep taking such breaks,this way we get a chance to peek into ur archives
.i was just browsing through your early days posts and glad to come across this. you posted this much before we ‘met’ each other,alle?
saying it again,simply loved it,Solilo
me: Yep! I wrote this long back and it still is one of the most searched posts from this blog.
talking of letter-writing,my early memories are those when I used to write letters in malayalam to my achamma and achachan(paternal grandparents)..u know the kinds where u scribble ’sughamaano,enikku sugham,sesham pinne’ in the end after ur parents have written a full length one!how I miss those days,yar!
me: You know what? I used to write letters to my ammamma too. Of course Papa helped me but she loved reading my letters.
btw,you’re arrogant??and blind too?really,sols??I’ve known you for almost a year now,never knew this!I’m hurt I was not confided
me: Ha..ha..ha.. now you know. BTW if you blog or write about gender discrimination then you will be branded arrogant too. So beware.
Good upbringing doesn’t mean that parents make choices for us. Good parenting doesn’t mean that they need to breathe down our neck every single day. It is to teach children how to face life, how to be accountable for their own actions. Precious words!!! Love them Solilo!
me: Thanks IHM.
And I read and loved Discovery of India… we have a copy at home, and occassionally I successfully persuade my kids to read bits of it.
me: I read it in school because I received it as a prize back then.
Thanks to your post, I have taken out all the letters that I have collected over the years from my nana, nani, father, mother, friends, aunties and uncles. My grandparents are no longer with us but their letters remind me of all that they have shared with me as I was growing up.
I read and loved Discovery of India, my daughter read it too.
me: That is so nice, Prerna. It felt so good. This post is the most searched from my blog which shows family values are still cherished all over the world.